When I first started my business, all my fears of ‘what would other people think’ came pouring back into my awareness.
The fear of feeling isolated, of being ostracised and criticised for being me.
All those fears (that I first came into contact with in high school) – it all came pouring back in.
The emotional bullying, jealousy, and criticism for standing out and achieving my goals at the time – felt SO real all over again.
It didn’t feel safe to be visible.
It didn’t feel safe to shine brightly.
It also didn’t feel safe to reach my goals.
I was in such a conflict – after all, being in business REQUIRES us to be visible with our work and marketing! And of course I wanted to manifest my goals and create the life & business of my dreams.
When we are in such a space, business can feel like a drag, a journey that is constantly uphill and against the flow.
So – What can we do?
We require to first fall deeply in love with ourselves – in such a way that we are 100% behind every decision we make, we have complete self-trust, and our worth is 100% innate (and not dependent on any external circumstances).
- Getting out of convincing energy. When we are 100% behind our own decisions, we don’t feel this need to convince or justify why we choose what we choose. We don’t feel the need to have everyone else see why we’re doing what we’re doing, they don’t need to see and understand ‘our way’
- Positive self-talk
- Being kind and compassionate to yourself
- Staying 100% on your own path. No comparisonitis. (Hint: Coaching can really help here!)
- Continue to move forward in your own journey (no matter what is going on externally – including who is saying what). You do it, simply because – you are doing it for you
- Forgiveness work. Forgiving the burdens, stories, and past events that continue to impact you today
This was the first shift for me.
I started feeling more confident showing up and being visible.
I embraced my love for marketing, making videos, sharing my story vulnerably.
I committed to sharing my work with my clients and community.
I showed up 100% for my business on a daily basis.
And then, it happened again.
I was reaching my goals in business, flying high (emotionally) in my life and business when I received that hate mail in my inbox.
And it threw me off, completely.
(If you have received a hate mail or response of any kind, lots of love from me to you. I know ‘hate’ can be a strong word, so I’m going to share my simple definition of it. A comment, action, email or anything that brings you and your work down – whether it makes you lose confidence, feel intimated and fearful, or puts you in a total negative downward spiral.)
It’s easy to bypass this when it’s a stranger – someone who doesn’t even have an idea on what it is we’re doing.
But in my experience – and in many of my clients too – the question remains when it’s a close friend, or someone we thought we could trust and confide in.
It was a shock to my system.
A totally, unexpected, and unnecessary one, too (I couldn’t understand why anyone would do this)!
I mean – I had invested so much into working on myself – on building my relationship with me – how did this happen?
SO how did I attract this?!
Well, this is where the second part of the lesson begins.
For awhile, I let it affect me.
I withdrew from my business, I felt scared to put myself out there again.
I felt defeated in a fight I didn’t choose to be in.
I retracted to my little corner of my world – feeling wounded.
Accepting that there will always be people who are going to ‘hate’ – who don’t understand what and why you are choosing to do what you’re doing – helped me access a whole new level of inner peace.
One day I was ready.
I was angry – which I readily embrace – because when we are angry, we can start seeking change.
Also, anger is a step forward from depression.
So, I worked on it more:
- I gave myself permission to step away from the drama and those who create it. And I let myself trust that in doing so, I was not missing out on any opportunities (in friendship, inspiration, business etc.) I leaned further into the trust that ALL that was meant for me would still find a way to me
- I cried it out and grieved
- I forgave myself for letting this impact me and my business
- I took out everything I had in my toolbox and worked through this block: EFT, journalling, reading, vibrational essences, crystals, oracle cards, audiobooks, programs and courses
- I hired all the support I needed: Energy healing, kinesiology, coaching
- I let go of any victim mentality that might have been going on
- I let go of the ‘curse’ I had put on myself – that had stopped me from receiving guidance on my business vision, clients, income and more
- I gave myself space to reflect. Is what this person said true – to any degree? Is there anything I can learn from this that will bring me closer to my vision and my goals? And then, I let go of the rest
- I also let myself focus on the people that I AM helping – the love notes, the ‘thank you’s, the ‘you are awesome’s
Above all, don’t let someone’s hate or judgement jade you. Remain who you are – positive, expectant of the best from everyone you meet, hopeful and more.
Know that this is not a representation of people in the world at large. In fact, use this experience to fuel your determination to create a community of supportive, loving, genuine people around you who lift each other up and celebrate your success and authenticity.
On the other side of things – I can honestly say that while it isn’t a journey filled with rainbows and unicorns… 😉
It’s all worth it.
You will find the soul friends that are SO right for you.
You will find your way again – one that is so much more aligned to you.
And life on the other side?
It’s much, much more beautiful.
Jia Ni x